I hate to generalize, but men kind of suck.
To give you an update on… my “relationship,” if that’s what you’d even call this, I like a boy.
That same boy likes me. Well, liked, but I’m getting ahead of myself here. He gathered some things a few weeks ago that I’d written on my regular blog and told me he liked me too. We sound like we’re back in grade school with this part of the story. But it was cute.
That night, a school night I should add, he rode his bike to my house and we walked and talked for a good hour about anything and everything. It even started to rain a little bit, but neither of us wanted to go inside.
That night he explained that he didn’t want a relationship. All he really wanted right now was a crush, someone to woo and court. I was fine being that girl. I liked being that girl.
Then we went out the next night and talked even more. He explained his situation with another girl, but I realized that she wasn’t really worth getting any kind of anxiety over.
The very next day, a Saturday, I was on a high from the night before. It was a fantastic feeling. I mean, a guy that I like that liked me back? That was unheard of.
And then I got a text from him. He said it would be best if we just stayed friends because things were “complicated” for him. He told me I should find someone else to like. That I deserved to be with someone who wants a relationship. I pretended like I was okay with that.
But I’m not okay with that. I liked what we were, even if it was only for a few days. I was okay with being “lead on” (his terms, not mine) for now.
Why does it always have to end like this? Why does it have to be so complicated?
I got a text from one of his friends this past weekend. This friend likes me. I know this, even though he hasn’t directly told me. He wanted to know if I like-liked my homecoming date (neither of these guys). Again, this sounds like we’re back in grade school.
I texted back and said “I don’t think so. I’m not really interested in anyone specifically right now.”
But it was a lie. It was lie with good intention, though.
The issue is, he’s a nice kid. I don’t want to hurt him. I wanted to get the point across as to not lead him on.
But what was I supposed to say? “No, I don’t like (homecoming date’s name). I like your friend. You know, the one you’re with right this second.” No. That’d be terrible.
And, I’m supposed to be “just friends.” But no matter how much he tells me I should like someone else, I can’t help but think about him. How am I supposed to forget that he loves keys and has a tattoo of one on his ankle? Or how much he loves Full House and horizontal stripes? Or how he has all of these views and feelings and talents?
How am I supposed to forget all of this when I still have feelings for him and still want to remember?
We still talk, we still hang out. I think he still likes me. But I have no idea.
This might sound like an elementary school crush, but it’s much more complicated.